It's been a while since I've posted anything here. The challenge that I seem to come up against is writing something worth saying. For me, as I live my life from day to day, all the events that occur seem to me to be mundane and unremarkable, but that's because they are happening to me. Someone on the outside looking in will see them differently than I do. That leads me on to this...
Nothing much is going on, I get up, take care of my morning activities, get dressed, go to work, come home, get comfortable, and relax. These are the normal activities of a multitude of people out there. These people are male or female, straight or gay, cis or trans, or any combination and variation therein. We come in all colors and nationalities. Nothing special but we are each important in our own way...
Why my journey is different is because I have to hide who I truly am in order for society to accept me. Over time I have become more comfortable appearing in public as Vicki. I know people stare, but I really don't care (or like to think I don't). The funny thing is most people could care less.
Currently, I am not out at work, so for a good portion of my day I am back in the closet, I want to be able to break out of that closet and be the person I was meant to be but my fear is that I will be ridiculed and belittled. I fear the whispered comments and side remarks, the loss of respect, and the loss of friendships. I have not yet decided which is worse for me, continuing to live repressing myself or the reaction of the people in my life should I choose to come out to the world...
I have on occasion heard that we choose to be trans, I have to respond with, "what sort of an idiot would intentionally choose this?" It is not a matter of choice, it's a matter of survival...
Oh, and by the way, closets are for clothes, lots and lots of FABULOUS clothes...
Hugs and Kisses...
Vicki
