It's morning in Colorado, and I've been thinking

Hello World!

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything, this is not because I don’t have anything to say, but rather because I feel so overwhelmed by the noise and hatred that seems to populate the world.

I’ve been out as a transgender woman for about three years now; this is the first time that I am concerned. Don’t get me wrong; I have never had a bad experience as a trans woman in public. Aside from a few stares and questioning looks nothing. I am the exception, and I know it. I have come to expect that every time I leave the house, I am going to be accosted in some way. That is the sad part in all this; it’s not the act that’s the problem it’s the fear and anticipation of the act that affects me. When I sit alone in a restaurant or coffee shop, I anticipate that someone will make a snide or hurtful comment. I go to the grocery store, and every glance is a potential attack.

This has led me to the point of questioning the wisdom of being out. Could I have continued to live a closeted trans woman? Or would I have taken the path of 40% of us and attempted to take my life? I know, for me, regardless of how hateful society has become, I made the right decision. I chose to live my life a toe person I truly am, and no one can take that from me.

So, let’s get back to that fear. If you know a transgender person or even know of a transgender person, let them know that you are not their enemy. You don’t need to be their friend, but just showing them that you are willing to leave them in peace, helps immensely to reduce the stress of not conforming to societal norms. If you have questions, ask. We don’t bite, and if we don’t want to talk about something, we’ll let you know. What’s under our clothes is our business, just like what’s under your clothes is your business, If we’re not going to get naked and sweaty together, neither of us needs to know the other’s particulars.

Oh, and as a reminder, being transgender is not a mental illness, it is a condition where the person you are when you close your eyes is not the person you see when you open your eyes and look in the mirror. There are a number of different ways that I can justify my Knowledge of my true gender. There are brain autopsies that show that the brains of transgender individuals are structurally like those of the gender that they identify with. There are a number of different studies that show that being transgender is something you are born with. When you get right down to it though, none of that matters, what matters is that I am living an authentic existence as a woman.

One last thing, if you have a question of me, ask. I am not afraid to talk about my experience.

Hugs and Kisses,

Vicki

Trans Day of Visibility

I’m posting this a bit early, but I don’t think anyone is going to complain. March 31st is Transgender Day of Visibility. Well, here I am. Shocker, I know.

I came to my realization late in life, I was in my 50’s. That’s not to say that I didn’t know much earlier in life that there was something that didn’t fit. I kept deflecting and blaming other things for never fitting in to the male ideal. I always found it easier to relate to women. I was never the quintessential man. Now, looking at all this, it doesn’t seem to add up to being transgender, what I don’t have the vocabulary for is the utter feeling of not fitting into the body I was born in, of never being able to relate to what was expected of me.

The day I started HRT, it was like my body said “Ahhh!” For the first time in my life I felt right. My body was finally in sync with my mind, well, sort of. I have not completed my journey, but I am getting there. It’s not a journey I’ve taken by myself, my family went on the journey with me, they have been supportive and accepting.

The sad truth is that I am very much the exception, coming out as trans usually means a loss of friends and family. Up to 41% of transgender people have attempted suicide. Being trans puts you at higher risk for losing your home and your job and don’t get me started on the danger of assault.
So again, here I am, I am trans, I will not hide, I will not disappear. I’m a firm believer that closets are for clothes, lots and lots of fabulous clothes.

Like Oscar Wilde said, “Be yourself, everyone else is taken.”
Love you all… Vicki

The Morning After

This morning I allowed myself to shed tears over the future, I gave into depression and hopelessness. I fear for my nation over the next four years. I fear for the lasting damage that can be done by an uncaring and abusive government. I’m sure I will be driven to tears more than just today, just like I’m sure I will never allow that feeling of hopelessness and depression to linger more than a moment.

The attitude and demeanor of a nation are shaped by those that lead it, given the history of the man now in the White House; the prognosis is not good. In his inaugural address, Mr. Trump stated that he was going to give power back to the people, I say we hold him to that promise with the strength and determination that saw this country win its independence, that we band together and support each other when hate and bigotry are arrayed against us, that we never turn a blind eye to injustice.

This election has awakened in me what had lain dormant for all these years, that is a deep wellspring of determination that my voice is heard. I am a transgender woman, no, I am a woman, I reject the need to label me as anything other than that. If you want to label me, call me brash, call me strong, call me friend, but you will never call me timid. My name is Vicki Pech, I am a woman, and it’s time for me to start roaring!