A Rebuttal

Earlier today, I read part of an opinion piece by a young lady (Lightcap, 2018) that was part of a lawsuit challenging the rights of transgender students to use the dressing room that aligns with their gender. This was a policy that her local school district had put into place. What struck me was the fundamental mistake that she (and others that object to transgender people in gendered spaces) mad was that she looked at the person in the dressing room and saw nothing but that person’s genitalia. Now, I have to admit to a certain amount of bias here, I am transgender after all, and to a certain degree, I can even understand her discomfort. The thing is though, that person as a transgender individual, knows to the core of their being that they are a male or female confined to the wrong body.

The American Psychological Association (APA) describes being transgender as “persons whose gender identity, gender expression or behavior does not conform to that typically associated with the sex to which they were assigned at birth” (American Psychological Association, 2018, pp. 1, para 1). That means that the person in her dressing room, regardless of physical makeup, was female. There are numerous professional medical associations that agree that transgender individuals are indeed the gender they (we) claim they are.

The basis of her argument was that having transgender individuals in her dressing room violated her right to privacy. So, let’s look at the concept of privacy as it applies to dressing rooms. You are in a room with a number of other individuals in various states of dress and undress., showering and taking care of various personal needs. How does the concept of privacy even apply to this situation? Is she concerned that the transgender individual may be attracted to her? That is possible; it can also be true of any number of homosexual individuals in the room with her. So, sexual attraction is also not a valid argument.

So, where does that leave us? In any kind of dressing room, there can not be any real expectation of privacy, and as I stated before, the person in the room is in a very real sense, as female as she is, so it’s not a boy in the room, it’s a girl with a penis in the room. And since there are girls (or boys) that like other girls (or boys), even the idea of sexual attraction is not a valid argument. So what about the person being lude or sexually aggressive? Well, that is an entirely different situation, and quite honestly it would be just as wrong if the person that was behaving in that manner was female-bodied.

Now let me tell you about my insecurities. I really want to go back to the gym, I also would love to join a dance group and learn to really dance. I don’t because of fearing just those kinds of reactions. Now, for those that don’t know, I play on a women’s rugby team, and I’m not self-conscious in the least around my teammates or our opponents, but the fear of going into a dressing room and getting that kind of a reaction keeps me from doing either. Put yourself in the shoes of that poor, insecure, teenaged transgender girl that had another girl run screaming from the room because she was in it.

Hugs and Kisses

Vicki

References

American Psychological Association. (2018, November 30). Transgender People, Gender Identity and Gender Expression. Retrieved from American Psychological Association: https://www.apa.org/topics/lgbt/transgender.aspx

Lightcap, A. (2018, November 29). My high school's transgender bathroom policies violate the privacy of the rest of us. Retrieved from USA Today: https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/voices/2018/11/29/transgender-bathroom-debate-privacy-school-lawsuit-column/2123946002/

The fear of moving forward

I haven’t written in a long time. I can always find an excuse not to write, but I woke up this morning way too early and had this thing bouncing around in my head, and I just needed to put it ours there.

I’m scared. And I mean all the time. Some of that fear is easy to overcome, I’m scared to walk out of the door in the morning, so I walk out of the door, nothing bad happens, and I move on with my day. I’m scared to put myself in social situations. I have a friend who sadly moved away, that would invite me to her “Girl’s Nights“ I was scared to go, but I went, and I had fun, and I was accepted. I play on a women’s rugby team; I won’t tell you how scared I was going to my first practice or my first game. I almost baled on both! This is the day to day fear that goes along with being me. That’s not the fear I want to talk about.

The fear I want to talk about is the fear that keeps me from moving forward. It’s crippling. It is the fear of taking that final step. So, just a little background, I don’t pass, and that’s okay. Passing or not passing is a personal choice and is an entire blog post on its own. Suffice it to say that I would love to look more feminine than I do. Starting with a face that looks entirely too masculine to boobs that I wish were just a little bit bigger to other parts of my body that do not match who I am. There are days when I have body dysphoria so bad that I spend it on the verge of tears. Almost anything will trigger it, from looking at clothes that I wish I could carry off wearing to sitting quietly and thinking. There is a fix for this; my employer provides coverage for transgender individuals. I can get my face fixed, and my other body issues taken care of. Here is where that fear comes in. I’m scared to do it! I know that I am a woman… There is no doubt in my mind what so ever… But I am scared to go through with that next step.

I've already made changes to my body, some of them irreversible, but it’s the last step that I cannot take. There is some fear of the surgeries themselves, and I know the recovery times are long and pain-filled, but it’s not the fear of the pain that’s stopping me. In my head, I tell myself that I can’t afford it, even with the insurance, but that’s not it either. You see my fear is two-fold, and it the fear of the unknown, it is being afraid that by taking this next step that I would somehow lose the most important people in my life. This fear is irrational. I know that my wife loves me and she has chosen to stay with me because of that love. I know that my friends and family won’t abandon me, they just want to see me happy. None of that matters in my own head. All of the worst-case scenarios play out in my head. I can’t even take the first step.

I know that there will come a time when the need to move forward will overpower the fear of the next step, but in the meantime, fear keeps me where I am.

Hugs and kisses

Vicki

Rugby, Anyone?

We live in a world where we are expected to fit in, this is true for transgender women as well. We are expected to "pass." For those that don't know, passing is where you look like a cis-gendered woman to the extent that if you don't tell anyone, people don't know that you're trans. A lot has been written about passing in other places, so I’ll leave you this:

               

I would if I could, but I can’t, so I shan't.

Now down to the purpose of this post. I like rugby (do you understand my blurb on passing?). It’s much more entertaining than American football. I like it so much that I want to play. Now as a trans woman, you need to make sure of a number of things if you want to play a sport, most important among them, are you allowed to.  So, I spent some time on Saturday searching for and finding a local woman’s rugby club and found that they are looking for players for the new season. I chatted with the woman monitoring their Facebook page and discussed possibly trying out. I was upfront about my transgender status and my age. I told her that my fitness level left a lot to be desired and that my talents in the sport were dubious, and yet she still wanted me to come out, she was very welcoming.

She wasn’t sure of the rules from her rugby union regarding transgender players but thought that there may be a hormone replacement requirement of six months. Folks, I got that hands down. Since I’m a naturally curious person I decided to do a little research on my own and found that USA Rugby does not have an independent policy on transgender women playing, instead, they use World Rugby’s gender policy (https://assets.usarugby.org/docs/medical/Gender_Policy_EN.pdf) Which stipulates that in order for a transgender person to play on a team that matches their gender, the player will have had have undergone gender confirmation surgery. I was crushed! Here was a welcoming group where I might have fit in and I can’t play due to a policy that was put in place more than ten years ago. Even the Olympics have no surgical requirements, just hormones.

Now in the interest of fairness, World Rugby does say on their website, that they are going to review their transgender policy after the Olympic Committee changed their rules (http://playerwelfare.worldrugby.org/?documentid=175). 

What it comes down to, for me, is that I want to play. I’m sure that some of you out there will think that I would have an unfair advantage. Medical research indicates that that is not the case (Jones, Arcelus, Bouman, & Haycraft, 2017). I’m not going to get into all of the medical reasoning, but I want to point out that I would not be the largest, tallest, or fastest player on the field.

Back to my desire to play rugby, the person I talked to still want’s me to a practice, for me that’s a win. I may not be able to play this year, but maybe, just maybe, there is hope for the future.

Hugs and Kisses,

Vicki

References

Jones, B. A., Arcelus, J., Bouman, W. P., & Haycraft, E. (2017). Sport and Transgender People: A Systematic Review of the Literature Relating to Sport Participation and Competitive Sport Policies. Sports Medicine (Auckland, N.z.), 701-716.

A New Year

Hello world!

Well, we made it to the start of a new year. Now, I'm not one to make New Year's resolutions, but this year I decided to make myself some promises.

First: I will stop giving in to my fears. I realized a long time ago that I will never be beautiful, or even pretty. I do not pass. I doubt I ever will. So, wearing what I want, going where I want, whenever I want, will be my mantra.

Second: I will not dress my age. I mean really, what does that even mean? I'm not going to wear something that makes me look like I"m trying to be 15 again, but if I want to wear leggings, I'm wearing leggings. If that super cute dress is above the knee... time to show off my knees.

Third: This one will be the hardest, I will be open, and honest with everyone, about anything. I may refuse to answer a question, but I won't be insulted by it (Hopefully)

Hugs and kisses, Vicki