WOW! It have been a while since I posted. A lot has happened since my last post. The greatest fear for most cross dressers is the front door, opening it up and walking out. Letting others see the other side of us. As I said earlier, I'm new to cross dressing and come to it late in life, although the signs of it have been there for years, it was suppressed and hidden away. I suspect that there are a lot out there that were just like me, hiding not just from the world but themselves as well.

So where is this all leading, well, Bobbie has crossed that boundary of the front door and ventured out into the world. The first time was to get a wig and a makeover (with my SO, by the way). This was the best and most thoughtful present I had ever received. This first outing was my first tentative exploration of the outside world, and I cheated... It was late in the year and I wore a pair of my jeans, a tank top, and a pair of cute heels. My breast forms were home made (knitted, to be exact), and I wore a man's shirt over it. The shop we went to was in a city about 60 miles away, they specialize in wigs and makeup (It's a full-service salon too) for people that are going through medical issues that may have caused them the loss of their hair. She also caters to the CD/TG/TS communities. I have never been made to feel so comfortable in my life. The owner helped me with finding just the right wig and when the one I liked the best was out of my price range, styled a less expensive wig to approximate the one I liked. The girl that did my makeup was fantastic and took the time to show me how it was done... It was fantastic...

Sadly the civil unions bill did not make it to the floor for a vote. It was not due the bill being a bad bill, it was due to narrow mindedness on the part of a few individuals... It makes me sad...

Just wanted to send Kudos to Gov. Hickenlooper for calling a special session, hopefully this time they get something done.

I live in Colorado. Not the most liberal state in the union, not the most conservative either. there was a bill before the state house that would have legalized civil unions (same sex marriage). The bill died on the state house floor without going to a vote, it was blocked by conservative republican lawmakers from ever coming to a vote. http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/10/us/civil-unions-bill-dies-in-colorado.html

Now I'm not gay, I'm in a committed heterosexual relationship with my wife, and this ticks me off. I can't understand the concept that same sex marriage will in any way shape or form harm traditional marriage. I'm angry and disappointed, not for myself, I am married, but for all those loving couples out there that are denied the same rights and protections I have. There are some ten nations, including some that are predominantly Catholic, that have legalized same sex marriages, yet in one of the most progressive countries in the world, we do not...

How sad...

Previously I stopped just when we were getting to the good stuff. Up to this point it has all been pretty straight forward, other than the wanting to wear women's clothing part.

So lets pick up the story where I left off. My first marriage ended. I was single again, and as you might expect I had the opportunity to dress more... But I didn't. I seemed that my time single coincided with one of those periods in my life when I didn't have a desire to dress. Up to this point in my life, my dressing was confined to pantyhose, so it wasn't a big thing to not dress.

So we are now going to fast forward a few years now, I'm now married to a wonderful woman I met on the internet. Yes, internet relationships can last, we're going on 10 years of marriage :) But I digress... So how did Bobbie come into being... Well, it was little by little. I started trying on more of my wife's clothes. Boring, I know, this isn't Bobbie yet, it took about a year to get there. Now this was not an intentional, no plan on my part. It was a slow progression to the point where I could no longer hide it.

I know you are thinking that I was hiding my dressing from my wife, well, yes I was, but more to the point I was hiding it from myself. I didn't want to admit it to myself that I had this need. It went against everything I knew to be true. Men don't wear women's clothing, unless it's for comedic effect (Think "Some Like it Hot" and "Mrs. Doubtfire" and "Bosom Buddies") and it wasn't funny to me, it was a need. A need that grew over time. I reached a point where it could not longer be hidden; now I'm not noble enough to have admitted what was going on to my wife, she found out by finding pictures I had taken of myself. Presented with the evidence there really was no reason to deny it, it also meant that I had to admit it to myself.

This is really when my voyage began...

Hello World!! This is the first of what I hope will be many posts. I'm new to blogging, so I expect there will be a learning curve... Stuff I'll get wrong... Posts that will come across like the ramblings of a mad woman (or man, depending on the day).

So let me get started, my name is Bobbie, and for all intents and purposes I am two years old. I discovered in my 50's that I have a need to wear women's clothing. Like most cross dressers, this need has been with me for a long long time. I can remember as a child being forced into tights, I can clearly remember my fear and anguish over having to put them on, almost as though I knew what it would eventually lead to. The reason for the tights was innocent enough, my cousins and I were doing a Christmas skit for our respective parents and the tights were part of my costume. I was four or five, and boy did they feel good!! Over the years I tried various things, my mother's clothes for the most part, as long as they fit me. I loved it when Leggs came out in those cute little egg shaped packages! I expanded my supply of pantyhose exponentially (Right, I went from one pair to three) My mother was a small woman then and I was a skinny kid, just taller so her clothes fit me for the most part, at least until I got to high school. I had an intermission for a number of years while I was in the military, the military at the time frowned at the idea of it's members not wearing the gender appropriate clothing, go figure, right. Once I married, even though I was still in the military, I again had an opportunity to play around with my clothing choices. During this time I left the military and not long thereafter the marriage ended, neither was due to cross dressing, surprise, surprise.

The time between my marriages was highlighted wanton debauchery, we'll just leave that to your imagination.

This seems like a good time to break and answer some questions before we get to Bobbie's awakening...

Q: Is your cross dressing for sexual gratification?
A: Boy if it was only that easy, like most cross dressers (according to the research and various forum posts I've read) it started out that way, but then as a teen, everything is sexual. Currently, that is no longer the case, I find that I am relaxed and at peace when dressed. That's not to say that I'm not at peace and relaxed in boy mode.

Q: Do you want to undergo surgery to change your gender?
A: No

Q: Can you expand on that?
A: Well, if I gotta... I like the various bits and pieces of my body the way they are. I make accommodations, I'm clean shaven, I "manscape" to the extreme... I keep my body hair to a minimum. I have no intention to make any changes to my body that cannot be reversed by simply letting it grow back, not surgery or hormones. If it can't be fixed by makeup, padding, or shaving, it will not happen.

Q: Are you out to your family?
A: I'm out to a select few people, the only family member that knows is my wife. Having said that, I have been painting my toenails for a while and my kids have seen them... They think it's cool. I'm also out to a couple of friends.

Q: Are you seeking help?
A: I need all the help I can get, picking out clothes, putting on makeup, tucking in this, accentuating that. Oh, you mean and seeing a professional, yes I am. Am I expecting a cure? Nope.

So, this seems like a good stopping place... I'll be adding more soon... check back for updates.