A number of years ago, I was married to my now ex - wife and I had this recurring dream or fantasy... My dream was that I would be able to swap bodies at will, swap between male and female bodies specifically. I would be able to experience the same sensations that she would feel. It started out being a sexual fantasy, wanting to feel what she felt. The dream grew and morphed, eventually it became wanting to know the feeling of having breasts and a vagina. Pure fantasy, I know. It was something that could only exist in a dream.

At the time I didn’t realize the significance of these dreams, as they say, hindsight is 20/20. Since coming to realize that I was transgendered I can see all of the little cues in my past, all those little things that said I was different.

The scarey thing about being transgender is that unlike my dream, it's a one way trip, once I commit to being Vicki, there is no going back, I can't un-tell all the people I shared this secret with, I can't change the pain and fear I caused them. It scares me to the very root of my being, it makes me question myself and what I feel, is this real or just some bazar psychological manifestation... And yet, after I told one of my sisters, she looked at my Facebook page and commented on how much happier I looked as Vicki than my male self.

So that leads me to come to this realization. This path that we are on is twisted and convoluted, filled with sinkholes, sharp bends, and roadblocks. At the end of our journey we are not guaranteed happiness or contentment, only survival... We have to be the ones that give ourselves the permission to be happy... I intend to be happy... Anything less would be an insult to all my friends and family that continue to love and support me...

To all of you, THANK YOU! I love you all!